Unbridled Highs

How do I bottle the enthusiasm of being six? Being six and bouncing on a trampoline? Being a spirited six year old boy with rivers of energy coursing through your veins while bouncing on a trampoline? That is the high we are all seeking in life, isn’t it? The feeling of weightlessness as you take flight, momentary loss of control, becoming grounded again, and then with great confidence, pushing yourself off into another unknown.

I think it’s in the momentary loss of control that most adults lose their ontologic selves. Ontology, the essence of being; what you find underneath our carefully curated appearances that on some days, we’d rather leave hidden. But in those moments when we are open to taking a chance, losing control, we have the opportunity to add another thread to our core instead.

Sometimes this happens in the small moments of life. The bouncing on a trampoline, the letting go of a bicycle seat, or the first time you drive alone. And sometimes it’s the bigger moments. Leaving home, realizing you’re grown, or creating a new life. Either way, they both create awe and disbelief. A simultaneous wave of anticipation and relief.

So many children take these moments for granted. They are, after all, accustomed to doing new things all the time. They awake every morning bigger than the day before. They are continually learning; how to talk, to walk, to run, to jump, to persist. They are steeped in the moments when they have no control. And they are jubilant when they land it just right. They are forever riding a wave of wonder. “I wonder if I can…” and more often they not, they take a chance to find out.

Adults, on the other hand, have slowly lost opportunities to expand our ontologic selves. Sometimes because we have found an excellent niche; it’s best to stay in your lane, right? Sometimes because we are too tired to explore. And others because we are afraid to try and fail. But the lucky ones have the ah ha moment. Often disguised as a failure, a tragedy, or a loss, these moments pull back the curtains on our ontologic selves. We can choose, then, to cover them quickly and remain unchanged in return for a steady emotional state. Or we can live exposed for awhile; granting the world access to our scaffolding in return for an addition to our souls. The former is laced with certainty and comfort. The latter is wrought with risk and chance. The lucky ones get to choose their path forward.

I intend to be one of the lucky ones. Having had my ontologic self exposed for awhile, I am gaining new threads in my soul. I am exchanging my certainty and comfort for risk and chance. I am surviving the loss of control and am on the way back down now. With just a little luck, I’m going to land well and gain the confidence I need to push off again into the next unknown.

This next weekend I am attending my first writer’s conference; manuscripts in hand and elevator pitch at the ready. I am flying just about as high as I can; taking the opportunity to land differently than I have before. Here’s to the unbridled joy of childhood, and all the highs and lows that come with it.